Wonder

I've been writing to you a lot again these past weeks. I probably need to cut back again. It's been a rollercoaster, though. It's such an odd thing. I'm so torn. You've given me so much reason to believe that this thing, it's not actually been in my head all along afterall. So much reason to believe you're in this with me. So much reason to hope.

Maybe I'm scared to get my hopes up too much. So the pessimism starts creeping in.

The jealousy starts creeping in.

I've never really been a jealous guy. Not until you. I suspect it's because I never even had a chance. It was too late by the time we met. I wouldn't change things, don't get me wrong. But that is perhaps the bitterest pill I've ever had to swallow.

I realized last night, sleepless as the storms rolled through, lying on my side, that I was facing you. That, if it weren't for these walls and those few hundred yards… That you could be lying there, too, facing back. Maybe even thinking about me, the way I was thinking about you.

Do you? Think about me?

I think you do, now. I still doubt myself, it's still so hard to believe sometimes. But I think you do.

I hope you do.